I was out the other night with some really great women, Sandy Grason, Julie Watson Smith and GrandaMary (No that’s not her real name but I’m not blow’n her cover:) And Julie said something that made all of us crack up. She was in the middle of telling us the core of what she does and she said “Look, I can speak wack a doo too”. I love the way she put it because it made it this thing, like it’s a place we go to but it isn’t real.
For example, some people go wack a doo when they are speaking in front of a large audience but when you talk to them off stage they are much more real and down to earth.
Some go wack a doo in the copy on their websites but it’s mostly just an attempt to make a sale or fit some mold of who they think they are supposed to be.
And some go wack a doo because they have made it part of their job and the persona that goes with it.
So, as we were not speaking wack a doo over our drinks I remembered an episode of the Big Idea with Donny Deutsch show that absolutely cracked me up. Mel Robbins, a frequent guest expert on the show, was telling the story of how her husband came home from work one day and said he was really miserable in his job and he just wanted to quit and follow his dreams. Now I am not quoting exaclty but that was the basic idea. Her response was great. She said that she told him, again not an exact quote but very close, “No way, all that rah rah stuff about going after your dreams is for strangers. You go back to your job. We’ve got bills to pay!”
Now I can’t remember exactly if he had quit his job or was just thinking about it but that’s not the point. The point is that “all that rah rah stuff is for strangers” is brilliantly on point.
Let’s face it. As one of my twitter friends @SarahRobinson says, “Life is messy.” Yes, we might believe all of the things we say to support and encourage our clients but there is an element of getting real that I think Mel hit right on the head.
For example, I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day. She is a very successful and talented person who was having one of those moments of “Damn, I should be further along.” Now, I could have gone all wack a doo on her and said “Oh but you can only be right where you are and it is as it should be” but in that moment that was not going to be helpful. Naturally I pointed out how far she had in fact come and that she totally rocks but I also said, “Yeah. Doesn’t it totally suck? You should be further along because you’re amazing. And hell, while we’re at it, I should be further along too!” We both felt far better after just getting what was real out into the universe.
I did the same thing with another client the next day and he thanked me for being so honest about it without being so perfectly unaccessible.
I think there is a very fine line between pointing out limiting beliefs or blind spots to our clients when we are trying to help them get clarity on something and pretending like the realities of their feelings aren’t there. I know some coaches who have an answer for everything and the answer usually rests on a pedestal of perfection I have no interest in standing on. I’m not saying it’s good practice to wax all perfect with your clients but then not practice what you preach but falling back on all of the wack a doo without remembering how challenging, frustrating, seemingly unfair and downright maddening it can feel sometimes when we’re building our businesses (or doing whatever they are doing) is just not real.
When you can connect with your clients on a soul to soul level by being more open about your realities and keeping it real your relationship will grow even more. I don’t know about you but I don’t want a coach who acts like there’s never a care in the world, that everything is alway hunky dory, who has a wack a doo answer for every issue that comes up and who acts like there’s something wrong with me for not getting out of my stuck points in 10 seconds flat. Cuz you know what? Sometimes being allowed to feel crummy without having to figure out what’s really behind it all feels really good too.
Yes, I’ve been known to speak wack a doo at times. How about you?
Shawn Driscoll
July 2nd, 2009
Love this Melani!
Wack a doo is hilarious and yet spot on.
I had a couple of days recently where I was off, ya know. Just in a funk. But the thing is…I was fine with it. I wasn’t asking ‘why am I off?” as if I shouldn’t be. I wasn’t asking for help getting back ‘on’. I just was. And, I knew it would pass.
Yet people around me couldn’t let it go. Talking all wackadoo on me…not what I needed. I just needed a funk of a day or two. And I was having it. I think in coaching we sometimes act as if that’s not normal. That it’s not healthy. That “our job” is to be ON all the time. That is true wack a doo! Thanks for giving a term for it all!
melaniward3
July 2nd, 2009
Yes. I totally agree. Sometimes a funk is just a funk and that’s fine too. Our job is just to be who we are and go with whatever we feel like going with in the moment – anything else is downright exhausting:)
Rick Butts
July 2nd, 2009
Is whackadoo.com taken?
Does Whackadoo mean the kind of “seminar-speak” that goes straight to the platitudes we all know inside out from Brian Tracy 101 – instead of taking the time to pick up on what’s going on with the total person?
I’m busted…
But, doggone it, I’m trying to transcend giving some shallow and lazy default answer when a little more tenderness is in order.
You are a dandy writer Ms Melani
melaniward3
July 3rd, 2009
Yes. and much more:) Fortunately I never have to worry about you going wack a doo on me:) and I am infinitely grateful for that. Thank you for the compliment – i’m sure I’ll be pulling it out much over the next couple of months!
Therese Skelly
July 3rd, 2009
Can I attend the church of the cool and spirited Melani Ward?
Girl, you are so preaching to the choir with this message.
I’m all about giving permission to be where you are, and not only that, but to find the GIFTS and BLESSINGS in what seems like the crap of life.
In fact, that whole “I should be further along” vibe has been biting my butt as well, so I just decided to surrender to where I am. OK, I didn’t decide all by myself….my great coach/mastermind friends (including our Shawn D) helped me find my way there.
And guess what – it’s so much easier here! Instead of doing the comparisons, or being frustrated, I’m working on the exquisite skill of “calling it” in versus going out and getting it. It’s mastering the beautiful blend of using feminine energy instead of that driving male thing that us girly-entrepreneurs struggle with.
Thanks again for speaking the truth. I need to subscribe to your blog so I can get your stuff more often.
You rock, sista!!!
melaniward3
July 3rd, 2009
Hi Therese,
I love simply “calling it” in.
Also, it is so much more real to simply say “okay I am here now and that’s cool with me” and then having it be okay to say the very next day “okay I am here now and this really sucks!” It’s all an ebb and flow and riding the wave is an experience worth having. So, whether flowing with ease or holding on for dear life, the fact is, we’re still moving:)
Thanks Therese!